My life & I – an autobiographical fiction

Why it’s called loenybrain.org?

Firstly, in January ’22 I wanted to call it by my full name Leonie.Hogh.brain.org, but then I decided to make it more anonymus. So of course I’m now revealing my real name 😉
The year ’22 startet for me with my second psychosis and an emotional breakup, resulting into moving to a hotel. In the third night alone, I reached the peak of my psychosis and tried to call help. I remember talking a lot on the phone to different people, but to this day I don’t know what number I called.

If you need medical attention or want to know where the next emergency physician/pharmacy is in Germany call 116 117 [cf. 116117.de German].
I walked without shoes to the lobby on the phone with my mother who was 500km (310 miles) away. The paramedics and cops were there and I got scared cause it only were men and they wore masks. Only when an female emergency physician showed me her face, I let them take me to the psychiatric ward for the third time ever in my life.

“Well, nice introduction.
I mean kinda horrible but outstanding”

Said a friend of mine after hearing my story.

He also said:
“It felt strange to read your blog cause it’s so personal like a diary”.

And yes that might be true, but I like to share and maybe read about your stories as well.

It’s loeny cause my dad called me Lönie (cf. Him & Loenie Hg) and Scylla (one of my pseudonyms of my teenage years) has a Y in it as well as the last name of my desired future husband, so there we go from Leonie to Loeny. And I wanted .org to stand for organization like in a company cause I have some dreams and goals. Also I wanted to organize my personal life. The goal is to organize my brain with this blog for future endeavours. So how and when do I organize my brain?

Neurofeedback therapy for inner peace

Last week I had the first session of ambulant Neurofeedback. In 2018 when I did an inpatient psychotherapy we tried Neurofeedback as an experiment, I really liked it but didn’t quite get what I should do to relax my brain. The beginning of the story, you can find under the blogpost (Mental) Hygiene.

Today my experience during Neurofeedback was totally different cause I have meditated for 4102 minutes (67 hours) in total with the 7Mind App alone and before that with YouTube Videos and now also with the 7Sleep App. I track my daily routines in one of many journals, I find this German one from Amazon the best (later I will show you how it looks on the inside).

The therapist discribed my scan with “fascinating” and “exciting” cause I only had slept 6 hours in total in the 24 hours before the scan. That should normally have triggered the beta high brain activity, but didn’t in my case. They were only a little elevated during mental arithmetic (counting down in your head from 1000 by the count of 7). The peak from green (alpha) was when I closed my eyes, then the brain is flooded from back to front with alpha waves to relax you.
There are even some studies with monks in MRIs where you can see they have other brain activities in there then other people who don’t meditate. So now I have the evidence that my self-care is working.

Further Recommendations

On the weekend my boyfriend came to visit and we had the perfect weekend together (I will tell you later more about our activities). We talked about our dreams we had at night and that reminded me of the film Inside Out, so we watched it. In 2018 in the psychiatric ward, the therapist told us that the information in the film is accurate. Today I learned that this summer the second part will be in the theater, here a little teaser: Inside Out 2.

• Have you ever tried meditating? (Here’s one of my favorites with the topic self-worth YouTube [German])
• If you have mental health issues, what are your coping/therapy strategies?

Love to read your feedback in German or English 🙂

Stay tuned, Stay curious, Stay healthy.