BikerSkylla – Schizoaffective

straight into the good life as ecology-minded motorcyclist with mental illness

Schizoaffective Journal 1 from Leonie Hogh for loenybrain.org.
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“Yes, I medicate and I do meditate”

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Today I have 75 consecutive days and 365 meditations in total with the 7Mind App, now I have got the last badge for endurance from the app. Like I told in the last blogpost, I struggle with sleeping enough because to many happy thoughts about the future circle my brain at night.

Today I met my psychiatrist and showed him one of my diaries where I track my sleep, medication, mood and salient experiences. He says I should stay with the current medication of 5 mg Olanzapin each night and if required 15-30 mg Chlorprothexin although I didn’t sleep enough some of the nights despite intensifying the effect of the medication with highly potent Valerian blobs.

In 2018, I had art therapy and used three or four of the sessions for the following very abstract painting. In these times I wrote in my diary that I thought I was schizophrenic but I didn’t get this diagnosis back then. I think my subconsciousness somehow knew, because the picture is schizoaffective disorder in a nutshell.

During that hospital stay the doctors also tried something new with me: Neurofeedback, where you get an EEG and try to get to a wake but relaxed state of mind. It was one of the best therapies I ever had though I didn’t get how to control the brain waves back then. But now I’m on the waiting list to get into that again. More about that under The Path To Homo Deus.

To round up this post, I want to share a little bit of my therapeutic art over the years with the intention to inspire you to let your inner child come to the fore. The inner child at work is the best you can do to get to the wake but relaxed state of mind.

Post Scriptum: To sometimes be lead by our inner child doesn’t mean to not be an intelligent, emotional stable person on the contrary, it means to be in balance with yourself.

And btw the title is a quote from Rocket Surgeons – Whistle 😉

Stay tuned, Stay curious, Stay healthy.

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8 responses to ““Yes, I medicate and I do meditate””

  1. Feel the Logic Avatar
    Feel the Logic

    Thank you for sharing these insights with me. The app seem to be worth the costs (if the insurance won‘t pay for it :-)). Getting such feedbacks about the timespan to keep the focus is really helpful in my eyes.

    I‘m with you, integrating new patterns and habits needs discipline and the will to keep the attention on the intent, otherwise nothing will really change. Do an exercise for 90 days is a good period in time, I agree with you and I made the same experience as well.

    Right now I integrate new patterns to let specific energies circle through my chakras by filling them while keeping the focus on it. And I planned to do it for at least 90 days as well. After having completed the first 30 days I mentioned first changes in my perception of reality and it‘s getting easier to go into the exercise every morning. This only as a response and personal side note to your writings.

    The Inner Child is also a great gate to enter a room of healing (but also the a space of unspoken words and feelings of truth and fear :-)) And there‘s so many more things to discover, the inner man, the inner woman and so on… But following these paths needs sometimes a lot of courage and power to go on.

    All the best on these trips for deepening the knowledge about yourself. And will have a look on your other posts as well.

    Let‘s stay tuned 🙂

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    1. loeniehg Avatar
      loeniehg

      Yes, not only the timespane expaned but also a lot of the times with the initiating gong of every meditation I feel somewhat relieved and relaxed already. You can intesify this by using a “stress relief word” after every Meditation. I learned that in combination with PMR(Progressive Muscle Relaxation), there is a unity in the App for that.
      I don’t know the teaching of chakras, but it sounds healing.
      Later on I will talk more about my theories about self-development, the inner child and the autopilot of the brain, some things I learned from MCBT (Mindfullness cognitive based therapy). (In comparison to DBT (Dialective behaviour therapy))

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      1. Feel the Logic Avatar
        Feel the Logic

        Alright… Let‘s keep in touch about healing.

        For now, I believe at a specific level of mental (or personal) development you have to challenge with your body‘s development as well.

        A lot of experience and energy is bound in muscles and cells. These patterns could hold energy on one side or they let the energy run through on the other side. In common people use the word “body knowledge“ for it.

        Getting in touch with chakras could be one approach for healing the deeper layers of someone’s life experience. If we meet again and this topic is still up, I would like to share some knowledge about it.

        But PMR is also a strong sword to release energy bound in muscles and cells. MCBT (I‘ve just started to get into it by reading wikipedia) seems also a help resource strengthening your body perception.

        fine fine… great topic. Let‘s continue this in healing curiosity 🙂

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      2. loeniehg Avatar
        loeniehg

        Body knowledge sounds about right. A few years ago I read the book “The body keeps the score” a New York Times bestseller about trauma and how it becomes manifest in your body (some book reviews on my website will follow). And I saw I TedTalk from a scientist about how much impact the things we eat have to our brain metabolism and that processed food is the worst (of course we knew that but they now have scientific evidence for that)

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      3. Feel the Logic Avatar
        Feel the Logic

        Oh yes. True… I guess a lot of scientific research is going on right now about traumata and their effects on someone‘s psyche. I think they found also significant evidence the traumata can be transferred or passend on to the next generation. In other words: healing traumata could bring a lot of light and mental freedom; not only to someone in the present, but also to future generations…

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      4. loeniehg Avatar
        loeniehg

        Thats right, I read about that too, in a book with lectures and stroy from the German Psychoanalysit Bert Hellinger with the titel “Die Mitte fühlt sich leicht an”, I think he was a pioneer in the system and family therapy and also did hypnotism therapy and transactional analysis.

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  2. Feel the Logic Avatar
    Feel the Logic

    Reading your lines about your meditation experience, makes me happy. You demonstrated discipline by practicing these techniques for mor than 70 days. And keeping on track for such a long period could help to strengthen ourselves in the inner dialogues of voices.

    Would you share some of your thoughts and experiences in more details? Could you recognize significant changes in your mind or your emotional states? It‘s just a question if this blog is a space for such personal exchange.

    And I‘m with you: Getting in warm und gentle contact with our psycholgical part belonging to our „inner child“ is like being on a treasure hunting adventure: not always easy to find and follow the paths, but being on track will give you back freedom and happiness step by step.

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    1. loeniehg Avatar
      loeniehg

      Thank you for the first comment and these kind words.
      There will be a lot more to come, I have 14 posts in the pipeline waiting to be finished and posted. But I think you meant details about the meditating experience. At first i couldn’t concentrate for more than 15s, my mind always wandered to the past oder the future (In the 7Mind App they said that you only are 20% of your time really in the present). But the App has a lot of courses for different subject, like “My Inner Child & I” or “Time” and “Sleep” that help you to focus. I’m overall a lot more relaxed and a lot of times remember to breath (for example with a psychological sighs (look for Andrew Huberman on YouTube)) when times get heavy and I’m stressed. And the habit of meditating is now a part of my life (someone said to me you need 60 days to form a habit). I don’t need to plan to meditate, I did it for example when I arrived early at the conference “Sustainability Talk” at the HHL Leipzig today. I just used headphones and a quiet place to sit.
      You can check out my other YouTube videos about my Inner Child journey: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UChmVJWgoWeJQ1_5HIdRiwTg

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