I’m Leonie or loeniehg, BikerSkylla or Scylla von Schwarzhagen on social media. I’m from Germany, live in the black forest and was born on December 30th, 1994. The last pseudonym is a combination of the main characters names out of a fantasy books. I first read it when I was 13 years old, it’s called “Kinder des Judas” by Markus Heitz. The impact of the name Scylla was kind of big. In my early adult years I got my whole back tattooed about “between Scylla and Charybdis”. That’s the Greek equivalent of “between a rock and a hard place”.
I’m on the spectrum. No, not the autism spectrum, but the one between schizophrenia and bipolar, called schizoaffective disorder. I experience symptoms of mood swings (depression and mania). But also sometimes having psychotic symptoms (classified under positive symptoms from schizophrenia) and negative symptoms. More under Personal Insights on Managing Schizoaffective Disorder.
This diagnosis I got in the summer of 2021. I had experienced psychotic symptoms for a few days after a few months of extreme mood swings. My best friend managed it via phone that I got myself admitted to the next psych ward.
But it wasn’t my first time in therapy getting diagnosed. All started when I was about eleven years old and my mom made me join a group therapy. It was a playful group for children who had an alcoholic parent, for me it was my dad. Soon I had individualized therapy, cause I was the only one who always wanted to talk after we played.
During my studies at the university of applied science Leipzig, I had a serve depression peaking in the winter 2017/2018. I got help from a student counsel and decided to seek an inpatient therapy. It helped a lot and I left the ward with the diagnosis of a combined personality disorder.
After that I completed my Bachelor of Engineering in electrical engineering and management. In 2020 I wrote my thesis in like the five days before the deadline and couldn’t sleep or eat during. Now I know that was mania. The topic was how to create interactive user documentation for an ERP-system (enterprise resource planning). We selected the topic while I was a working student at the very same company I still work at.
This website is about my journey, private and professional and little things that make life great. I share how I deal with my psychogenic predisposition. How I find balance during the settling times of the curves. I love curves on the road, I mean I drive motorcycle since 2013. Therefore I know its just a matter of how you take the curve. Luckily most of the time the symptom curves in my life are more like a transient response curve ~.
To see more about me and my motorcycles you can find a video on YouTube.
Here’s a list of my therapy journey so far:
- 2008 kids group therapy for children of alcoholic parents in the local help center in Backnang.
- 2008-2012 Personal therapy in said help center. Diagnosis: borderline personality disorder.
- 2016 Cognitive behavioral therapy as an out-patient with element’s of trauma therapy + bonding therapy sessions in Leipzig.
- 2018 In-patient therapy in Altscherbitz after major depression. Total of four months with Neurofeedback, Progressive Muscle Relaxation and Dialectic Behavioral Therapy (+DBT112 App). Diagnosis: combined personality disorder.
- 2021 after extreme depression and then being psychotic I got myself admitted cause my best friend said I should. so I was few weeks in the closed psychiatric ward for the first time in the University clinic in Leipzig. Diagnosis: schizoaffective disorder
Then starting sessions as out-patient and also getting help from a social counselor while phasing out medication. - 2022 started with acute in-patient therapy and getting Meta Cognitive Training in the same closed psychiatric ward.
Moving straight from the psych ward to my mother to Baden-Württemberg. Routinely seeking acute help from doctors there and six weeks in-patient in Winnenden to get new meds.
Ending the year for six weeks in rehab (December to January 2023) - 2023 being the whole December in-patient in the ZfP Hirsau. There finally got additional medication (Lithium) after being manic for a week.
- 2024 Started with Mindfulness Cognitve Therapy with the book and the App 7Mind & 7Sleep.
- 2025, January I started a private online therapy via instahelp.me.
- 2025 July-August in, acute in-patient in the closed ward at ZfP Hirsau, new medication (Amisulprit instead of Olanzapin).
By the way, you can personalize the newsletter about which categories you want to be informed. And check out my profiles on Spotify, WhatsApp and Instagram. There comes different content at different times on every channel.
My big five for life
Every now and then I ask myself what I want from life. What’s there I want to do with the time I have. When I’m in a good to hypo-manic mood and delusions of grandeur take over, I say this:
- Become a published author.
Bachelor Thesis: Process orientated user documentation of business software – A guide on how to create interactive learning material for ERP-systems (grade: 1,2; from September 2020, but still relevant) - Book: From Us to Self
- Live to be 100 years old
- World peace
- Homo Deus for everyone
But more times I’m depressed or even in a somewhat normal mode. And don’t do the things that would lead me to it. After being psychotic other manic the fall in self-confidence is big. So I live happy day to day without thinking about the big goals.
The big 5 goals for life change a lot. Right now I’m in the normal mode and non of the above are important anymore to me. Instead these ones are more im working towards:
- Having a relationship for more than three years
- Owning land/(part of) a home
- being a good aunt
- Regularly have contact to kids by supervising them
- No motorcycle accidents
I hope to connect with other blogger and advocates about mental health, environment, politic and hobbies. Feel free to reach out via any channel about anything scientific or personal. I’m happy to read what you have to say!
Stay tuned, Stay curious, Stay healthy.
